Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
