Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
