I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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