we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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