im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
