According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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