so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
