I looked at my own cervix.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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