it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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