In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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