I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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