Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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