I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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