I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
