I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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