I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
