We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
