I think I can smell my own vagina right now
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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