Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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