Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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