I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
