i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
