there's paper in my vomit.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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