I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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