and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
