Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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