Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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