oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
