im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
