what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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