I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
