im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
