Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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