is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm just crazy horny about you
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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