the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
