if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
