don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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