Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
and you fell through a lawn chair
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
