I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
