now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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