well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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