Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
