I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
