new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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