I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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