I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
