Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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