"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
