Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
