he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
