I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
