I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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