Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
