you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
