Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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