i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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