I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Randomize
