My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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