I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
