If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
