Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
