I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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