If i come over, it means nothing
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
