I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize