This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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