Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
