omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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