sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
