It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Please don't give away my fajitas
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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