I think i sorta joined a cult last night
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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