i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
