i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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