Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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