I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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