I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
